i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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