I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
