Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
