why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
