i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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