just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
