the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
