this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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