I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need a sexual gate keeper
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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