Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
