I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
