Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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