There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
