My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
