They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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