I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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