remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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