You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My Higher Power is John Stamos
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
