I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
