And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
