I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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