she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
