Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
