I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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