His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
