guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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