laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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