just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
