So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
