She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
