So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
