Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
