I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize