Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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