and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
