Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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