does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
