You just made me feel so damn special
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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