mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
