she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
