her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want her autograph on my taint
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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