I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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