is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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