I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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