Swine flu. Run for my life!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
