I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
