I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
