I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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