Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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