Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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