i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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