We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
