my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
