Having a random hookup so left but love u
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
