just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
