I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
