I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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