It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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