And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
