Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
